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New site? Maybe some day.
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Attention Marge Simpson, we've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.
Simpsons quotes time. go! |
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"Press any key."
"Where's the Any Key?" |
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"Owwww, OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, the bees are defending themselves somehow!" |
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Mr. Simpson are you wearing a garbage bag?
-I have misplaced my pants. |
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im kinda like jesus but not in a sacreligous way |
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Thanks to this fiesty feline. |
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And you took the Hamburglar's birthday off last Monday and Wednesday! Which is it? |
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"My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing! |
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“Take that, space coyote!”
"space coyote?" |
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I'm Mr. Snnnnnrub. Yes, that'll do. |
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"When a woman says nothing’s wrong, everything is wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, EVERYTHING is wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you better not laugh your ass off!" |
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more testicles mean more iron. |
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"My cats breath smells like cat food." |
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"you'll have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel" |
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"When a woman says nothing’s wrong, everything is wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, EVERYTHING is wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you better not laugh your ass off!" |
Thats a good one, especially the end. |
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"you'll have to speak up, i'm wearing a towel" |
YES! |
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-Daaad..your half-assed underparenting was a lot better than your half-assed overprenting.
-Aww.. But I'm using my whole ass. |
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here's an old one for you:
owww, quit it. owww, quit it. owwww, quit it. owwwwwwwww, quit it. |
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You were not, you were just eatin that DAMN orange! |
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The finger thing means the taxes |
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THIS ENORMOUS WOMAN WILL DEVOUR US ALL! |
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Immigants! I knew it was them. Even when I thought it was the bears, I knew it was them. |
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i drink blue juice from under the sink. |
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- Do you have any fruit?
- This has purple in it... purple is a fruit. |
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it smells like otto's jacket. |
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I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am! |
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Alright just stay calm Frinky. These babies will be in the stores while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix hooo hay vnn!! |
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I wash myself with a rag on a stick. |
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Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. i believe you have a letter for me.
ok Mr. Burns, whats your first name?
i don't know. |
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homer had a piece of food stuck on his face for 3 days...and it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing. |
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why you're the fattest thing i've ever seen, and i've been on safari |
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"Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this?" "Me? I'm not the one who puts butter in your coffee!"
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DOH!nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttttttttt! |
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i heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate all the food in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.
my dad may be overweight but he's not some food-crazed maniac.
oh thats raspberry. |
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I choo choo choooose you. |
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BOO DOO DEE The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. |
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Ooooh. The walls are melting again. |
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don't you just hate pants? |
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they call em fingers but I've never seen em' fing, ....oh there they go |
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"there's very little meat in these gym mats" |
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“I know you're not a deaf-mute, Mr. Simpson. We've been talking for the last 20 minutes.” |
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The Germans are after me, I'm so scared, oooh the Germans! |
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FBI Agent- "When I tap your foot, and I say hello Mr. Thompson, you nod. Hello Mr. Thompson."
Homer(perplexed, and whispers to FBI Agent #2)- "I think he's talking to you."
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Homer- "Lisa, am I wearing pants?!"
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Loudspeaker at the Power Plant-"The following employees have been fired. Simpson, Homer. That is all."
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Homer-"MMMMMM, Gummy venus. *drools*
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Bart-"Who the hell names their kid Bort?"
Mother-"Get over here Bort."
Guy-"Were you talking to me?"
Mother-"No, my son is also named Bort!"
Later, when Homer and Bart are going through the detention center:
Guard-"ATTENTION! We are OUT of Bort license plates! I repeat, we are OUT of Bort license plates!"
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I really could go on all day. Great thread! |
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I want to see my face in that horse's ass. |
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Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No.
[buzz]
Moe: All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him.
[ding]
Eddie: Checks out. Okay, sir. You're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight.
[buzz]
Moe: A date.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner with friends.
[buzz]
Moe: Dinner alone.
[buzz]
Moe: Watching TV alone.
[buzz]
Moe: All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
[buzz]
Moe: Sears catalog.
[ding]
Moe: Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. [buzz] |
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i'll have these babies on the market while he's still grappling with the pickle matrix, GOIVIN GLAVIN! |
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Bart: Otto, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
Otto: (Otto spots Hans Moleman driving an AMC Gremlin in the next lane) Eh, no problemo, Bart dude. I'll get rid of it. (Otto rams Molemen off the road)
Moleman: Oh, I only had two more payments left. (Car hits tree and blows up) |
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Otto: "What am I smoking? Oh yeah... pot"
Fat Tony: You guys have blundered into our secret tobacky patch.
Lenny: Wow! Is that wacky tobacky?
Fat Tony: The wackiest.
Wiggum: "All our founding fathers, astronauts, and World Series heroes have been either drunk or on cocaine."
Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)
Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Bart: b-6
Homer: you sunk my scrabbleship!
Lisa: this game makes no sense.
Homer: tell that to the good men who just lost their lives... SEMPER-FI!
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Homer: Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
Homer: I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.
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Nelson: Your manager says to shut up!
Robert Goulet: Vera said that? |
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Marge, do you have other men in the house? Radioactive men?? |
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what did i tell you, about the SKOOching! |
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"I accidently ran over his dog"
"Really?"
"yeah, but replace the word accidently with repeately and the word dog with son" |
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Homer-"Otto spelled backwards, is Otto, haha."
Otto-"Now I'm scared." |
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Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! hahahaha I forgot about that |
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Lisa-"Well you're gay for Moleman!"
Bart-"No, you're gay for Moleman!"
Moleman-"No one's gay for moleman." |
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Well I have some news for you sir..... something that may shock and discredit you.............I'M NOT WEARING A TIE |
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Homer i don't want you stalking anymore. its so illegal. where are you going?
i'm going outside to......stalk....Lenny and Karl. |
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Lenny and...........Karl
dah nuts. i mean.....dah nuts. |
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Every muscle in my body is gettin a workout... especially my big fat mouth! |
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Krusty: A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a ten inch pianist. |
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lets just say it moved me...TO A BIGGER HOUSE!
uuuh i said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet. |
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Homer; It feels good to tell the truth........no, I'm lying again, it feels baaad |
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See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo. |
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thats the worst name i've ever heard.
JOEY JO JO! |
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Marge do you think i'm stupid?
................................................no
ok!
wait a minute, why did it take you so long to answer?
....................................................no reason
ok!
wait a minute, are you humoring me?
.............................yes
ok!
wait a minute, thats bad! |
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Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! hahahaha I forgot about that |
Hahaha, yeah, I had to drag that one out. One of my all-time favs. |
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"man i could really go for a hot dog"
"Homer this is a cemetery"
"HOT DOGS! GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE!"
"do you just follow my husband around?"
"lady he's putting my kids through college" |
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so i said to him, listen buddy...your car was upside down when we got here..and as for your grandma, she shouldn't have mouthed off like that. |
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The new issue of Gigantic Asses is in. |
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hahahahahahahahahahaha i can hear Apu's voice saying "Gigantic Asses".
yeah give me a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a panty shield, someillegalfireworks aaaand, one of those disposable enemas. eh better make it two.
i'm sorry sir but the sale of fireworks is illegal in- follow me. |
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