IN WHICH DYA INDULGES IN A PSEUDODWYERESQUE ORGY OF NAVEL-GAZING AND PHOTOBUCKET ABUSE - EPIC FAGGOTRY AHEAD, SCROLL AT YOUR OWN RISK



OH, HAI

So, the "post photos of yourself as a youngster" thread got me scanning in pictures from my parents' house (as well as ones I've been sitting on hard copies of), and there ended up being a lot of them. So now you have to suffer through this. For what it's worth, some of these are pretty funny and/or embarrassing, so now we can all laugh at me more than we normally do. Plus, y'know, I'm turning 30 this weekend, so I'm allowed to get a little introspective, SO BACK OFF ASSHOLE. LOLOLOLOL

Let's read together (Timmy, spit out that gum):




DESTROY YOU A VERY LITTLE

When dad came home my daily ritual was grabbin' his hat and paycheck. Later on I would abandon the "hat" concept.



SMITH FAMILY LARPINSON

Yeah, I'm a second-generation nerd. (Me in the brown, not fucking teal. SRSLY, mom, WTF.) Headed to King Richard's Faire, I think. (There's a Christmas tree, which is weird considering the Faire shuts down in fall, but I don't know where the hell else we would have been going dressed like that.) LIGHTNING BOLT!!! LIGHTNING BOLT!!!




2 FAST, 2 FURIOUS

I fucking ruled at pinewood derby. This is pretty close to the beginning of me being obsessed with building stuff. The old scanner decided that it really wanted this picture to be in 256 colors; I stopped arguing with it after 4 tries.




ON THE MACK

Always was a sucker for girls with huge cans and armor and booze. Even if they did happen to be a pirate. (This was what my parents thought was an entirely appropriate Christmas present for a 14 year old, BTW. I don't know either.)

Below: Man, look at that fucking schnoz. Luckily it would be smashed in repeatedly over the next few years to the point where it acquired at least SOME semblance of a shape that isn't "potato."







WHAT'S THAT



YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG



HERE LET ME

Lil' Brudder gets his first guitar. I of course immediately take it over, 'cause if someone's gonna suck at guitar, it should at least be me.




THRASHIN' IT UP, FUCKERS



PT 2

Hard at work with my recently-acquired first bass. (Not pictured here due to black-and-whiteitude: It's fucking salmon pink.) This is before Squier showed up, so instead it's some random Korean P-Bass copy. I'm probably about 9 months to a year in playing, here.




DUM DUM DUM DUM FUCK

Note the hair hang. This period of my musical "career" (LOL) would later lead my girlfriend to laugh her ass off whilst seeing Children of Bodom for the first time, due to my near-identical hair swings of 10 or so years before. (Fun fact: Katie and I first met at a birthday party that my first band - the mighty COW - was playing at. Some VFW somewhere. 10 years later, we run into each other, and now after another 6 she still hasn't gotten rid of me.) (There will be totally hilarious COW pictures scanned and posted later on - bonus points to anyone who guesses which members of which current hardcore bands are gonna be wicked pissed at me when this happens.)




EXCITING POSE HERE

This picture is notable for a few reasons - once I can MSPaint up a diagrammed version, this will become more clear, but here are some highlights:
First off, this is my very first Windows-based PC (ver 3.1). PACKARD BELL MOTHERFUCKER
Second, can you tell what my favorite band is? LOLOLOL
Third, yes, that IS a shark fetus preserved in formaldehyde on the dresser - thanks for asking! No, I don't have it anymore. (Around age 19 a lovely landlord I had packed up everything I own and carted it off. Books, vinyl, guitars, my upright bass, the whole lot. I was way too young and drunk to effectively do anything about it in a legal sense, and he was a Boston ex-cop turned epic slumlord - I knew for a fact he didn't even own the place on the books - so nothing ever happened. Therefore I don't own more than a handful of items that are more than 10 years old, at least to me.) The fetus is in the bottle behind Roland, who was my drum machine. A very smart friend of mine thought that you could play it with drum sticks, so Roland broke. Roland was one of those drum machines that electro nerds shit themselves and make massive eBay transactions over. Oh well.

Also, check the 90s undershave. Thank fuck we know better, now.




MAKE READY THE TROOPS

Painting minis. Note freshly-shorn hair - I wouldn't try growing it long for another 8 years or so, when it promptly decide to start FALLING THE FUCK OUT. What the fuck, hair - really? REALLY? Also, I would punch a thousand grandmas to get that Alcoholica shirt back.

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR PART 2: THE THANKFULLY SHORT-LIVED AWKWARD HARDCORE/FACIAL HAIR STAGE

The pictures of you playing bass make me think you really wanted to be Jason Newstead. What with the haircut and all.

good read

Interesting story.

Haha - GEE, YA THINK? ;)

You're not that old -- I've got 5 years on you. And christ knows how many years Dwyer has on both of us.

FUCKING WIN
[/desktop'd]

what the hell is that on your head? afro wig?

either way pedobear is taking it off.

DYA when are we going to meet and talk dirty to each other. and by talking dirty to each other i mean have an extremely nerdy conversation that noone else would dare to take part in.

Where you at, nucca? STR8 OUTTA HOPEDALE, SON.

THIIIIIS IS YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!

Right now, pepperell. soon to move back to somerville however.

FAR FAR IS FAR

yup. i'll see you at a show sometime. i travel all over the place to get drunk and listen to good tunes.

I'll be in your area on the 28th for the HYEO QVCC show then the show at oasis. I don't know if you plan on going to either of those.

lulz @ pedobeared pic.

PEDOBEARD

photoshop and a day at work doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WORK RELATED.

^lol

gotta love it.

PART THE SECOND:



LET IN LIFE, AND PREFERABLY A RAZOR



FINISH THE HAIRCUT YOU STARTED

HAHDCOAH GUY. Even my mom told me that dirt-stache was teh gay, but I had to be different.




MUCH BETTER (IF SOMEWHAT LESS CONVENIENT)

Fast-forward a year or two during which time there are like zero pictures of me anywhere (except for random crowd shit from the Rat). Big hair. And check my sweet teamsters shirt (COMMIE, MAFIA, LOL, ETC.) These pictures are from my family reunion out in (for some reason) Illinois. I thought it was a good idea to go to a show the night before and then fly with my hair like this. Which amounted to a several hundred miles flight with my head at this angle:

. /
.O

Below, my niece or cousin or something is justifiably entertained by my 'do. My family being what it was, I was the center of attention for maybe 45 minutes until my cousin showed up with a giant head of white girl dreads (fashion designer in LALA town at the time) and assumed the spotlight (thank fuck).







SOMEHOW, THIS HAPPENED

I managed to make a school career of refusing to ever do any homework ever and just getting 99s on tests - all together this equalled a barely-passing average and I finished. I was months behind on days actually at school my senior year, and would have been still there when the next class came in, but my principal got sick of seeing me and my three ne'er do-well sidekicks roaming the halls with nothing to do, and told us to all get out, that we could all show up and get diplomas as long as we promised NEVER TO COME BACK. A few years later when I came back as a photocopy repair guy, I called him on it but he declined to retroactively revoke my diploma. PUSSY.

Check Crazy Bob with the cool, cool glasses. EAT IT, PUFFY.

Below: Well, that's done. On to collect the graduation head I was promised in return for actually showing up. This girl convinced me to get my driver's license with the same tactic. I have to say, I like her management style.






WUH

Hung over in the kitchen. IIRC, this was just after an epic trip into the White Mountains with a thousand beers and several shady characters. Just after this I quit my gas station job (duties included booth-sitting, reading comics, and blasting Anal Cunt) to move to Mission Hill (where I would go to work at the Store 24 across from Berklee - duties included stealing food, making creative tip-collection-cups, and blasting Anal Cunt).


TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR OUR NEXT EPISODE: RIDICULOUS BOSTON NONSENSE

If I'm in the next set I'm suing.

lol this is amazing.

Corey Feldman? What are you doing here?

i feel like i know you

LOLright? Later I'll post pics of our friend Sam, who is pretty much Corey Feldman, only drunk, in a leather jacket with a tarantula and a samurai sword.

hahahahahahaha so much hair

I feel the urge to post this:

hahaha. should be funny. SEVERED BABY HEADS.

This thread just got 10 times better. (BTW, there are way bigger tits on the way, but unfortunately for you guys they're in a shirt.)

And on a man. Fat Pat content.

I KNOW, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. 24 birthday party I start noticing it, and it's gone inside 3 years. CRAP.

(BTW, I'll preview the pics for said party as such: STAPLEGUN SWASTIKA BUTTHOLE. There is a song about it. BUT THAT'S LATER.)

HAHAHAHAHA

Oh, you have no idea. (Y'know, I should get the re-recorded SBH mp3 from Shane and put it up on a MySpace. Hmmm...)