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returntothepit >> discuss >> Funniest joke I've heard in a long time.... by hoser on Jun 26,2004 12:47am
Add To All Your Pages!
toggletoggle post by hoser at Jun 26,2004 12:47am
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours
passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit
blitzed, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in
the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing my husband would
probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself
for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed),
in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him
midnight. He didn't seem disturbed at all. (Whew! Got away with that one!).
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said,
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "oh, crap,"
cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times,
giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted."



toggletoggle post by MyDeadDoll   at Jun 26,2004 3:36am
cute



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Jun 26,2004 1:38pm
Eh.



toggletoggle post by thornnvine  at Jun 26,2004 1:56pm


....shit its pants, puked on the rug and passed out in the bathroom.



toggletoggle post by thornnvine  at Jun 26,2004 2:00pm
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right
through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll
have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy
drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A
warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done:
glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its
side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that
broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband
replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you..

You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for
a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed
to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you
don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my
life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least
can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young
lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in
every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always
be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish,
genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been
with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex
with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know
we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know,you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what
about you, honey?"

You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the
same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the
rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over
and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your
husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you
still believe in genies?"



toggletoggle post by tbone_r  at Jun 26,2004 2:25pm
hoser: that's the joke i've seen in as long as i can remember.
thornvine: that was clever, but a little too predictable



toggletoggle post by tbone_r  at Jun 26,2004 2:26pm
the best joke*



toggletoggle post by succubus  at Jun 26,2004 2:45pm
someone at work emailed that to me a while ago..i thought i posted it here too
i thought it was funny too



toggletoggle post by Robdeadskin  at Jun 26,2004 6:37pm
what is better than winning a gold metal in the special olympics






not being retarded.......



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Jun 26,2004 11:37pm
Those are nothing. Want to hear a real funny joke?
















Women's rights.


HA!



toggletoggle post by powerkok   at Jun 27,2004 10:26am
what do you get when u string up a 12 year old and gut her onto the floor?




























a Boner!



toggletoggle post by woodsicus  at Jun 27,2004 10:41am
How do you make a 5 yr old cry twice?

Wipe your dick on her bloody teddy bear





toggletoggle post by tbone_r  at Jun 27,2004 11:24am
no, the punch line is "wipe your bloody dick on the teddy bear"



toggletoggle post by tbone_r  at Jun 27,2004 11:24am
her* teddy bear



toggletoggle post by powerkok   at Jun 27,2004 11:35am
ya, you jerk.



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Jun 27,2004 11:37am
Whats black and blue and hates anal sex?






The 8 year old boy tied up in my trunk.



toggletoggle post by powerkok   at Jun 27,2004 11:41am
hahahahahahhaha nice one



toggletoggle post by heimdall  at Jun 27,2004 5:28pm
whats the difference between a jew and a pizza

















the pizza doesnt scream when it gets thrown in the oven



toggletoggle post by CoachZ at Jun 27,2004 5:35pm
What's big and sweaty and likes men?















My friend Rey



toggletoggle post by tbone_r  at Jun 27,2004 9:29pm
hahaha....awesome



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Jun 27,2004 9:58pm
Who's the greatest jewish cook?




Hitler



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